Would the TRUE Keyblade Bearer Please Stand Up?
by starsinjars
Summary: Sora has an existential crisis. Ven tries to help. Doesn't seem to be working. Vanitas either. Perhaps they all should have just checked in to that mental hospital like Roxas suggested. Or perhaps they already did. Many pairings with a surprise cameo!


Title: Would the TRUE Keyblade Bearer Please Stand Up?

Summary: Sora has an existential crisis. Ven tries to help. He doesn't seem to be helping. Neither is Vanitas. Perhaps they all should have just checked in to the mental hospital like Roxas suggested. Or perhaps they already did. Many pairings with a surprise cameo!

Pairings: Sora/Ventus; Roxas/Vanitas; Xion/Riku; Kaito or Kid/Conan (Awe... sadness that it has been revealed. That was fast.)

A/N: Prepare for an emotional rollercoaster of a mindfuck.

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><p>"So it has been brought to my attention that there are currently..." Sora lifted up his hand and began to count. "One, two, three... at least five keyblade wielders at this point in time."<p>

Kairi dispersed her own key and looked at Sora. "And the point of that is...?"

Sora sighed. "Okay, well, I thought that I was like the Chosen One or something like that because I could wield the keyblade. Me and only me. So what the hell with you guys having them too? I mean, I understand why Roxas has it, since he's technically me or something along those lines, but that doesn't explain the others!" Sora gave it another thought, "Well, except for the King, being the key of darkness while mine's of light."

"Someone's got a superiority complex..." A voice muttered in the not so far distance, which was followed by a giggle, but was both ignored.

"Who are the others?" Riku asked, not looking up from his book.

Sora raised a finger for each name said. "Me, you, King Mickey, Roxas, and Kairi."

There was a chuckle behind Sora that made him jump. "You're missing quite a few there."

"Huh?" Sora turned around to address the new, familiar voice and found himself looking at…

"Roxas?"

Roxas chuckled again. "Sorry, that's not me."

"Over here, Sora."

Sora turned to see his very own Nobody waving next to a raven haired girl he had never seen before but looked familiar who also waving, but shier.

"...Kairi? How did you dye your hair so fast?"

Kairi was playing with her keyblade, whacking the paopu fruit tree and wasn't paying attention. "What?"

Sora stared at the girl, the one who looked like his friend, but wasn't. "Who are you?"

She laughed. "Perhaps the better question would be _what _are you," She murmured and Roxas flashed her a sad smile before answering Sora, "Her name is Xion, and she is yet another keyblade wielder."

"Sora, Sora, Sora..." The Roxas twin placed his hand on Sora's shoulder, causing him to jump. He laughed, took his hand from the shoulder and placed it in front of Sora's face.

"Name's Ventus, but, please, call me Ven."

"... Ven then." Sora was weary of the Roxas clone, seeing the true Roxas on the left with the one known as Xion and this Ven character with a tall, muscular brown haired figure next to a slender blue haired woman.

"I can see that I confuse you, but I'm - or should I say we," He looked at his companions. "Are here to correct your mistake and educate you in the ways of the blade shaped as a key and able to unlock various objects."

"Uh... huh..." Sora stared at him before turning back to his nobody, who was having a quiet conversation with Xion. "You guys seeing this?" Sora called to his friends, only to find Kairi gone in the distance hitting trees and Riku still reading.

"Hmm?" Riku hummed, faced buried in book.

"Riku, for the love of the King, look up!"

The desperation in Sora's voice caused him to look up, and he dropped his book and had his mouth agape at the sight of Roxas and Xion.

"... Oh shit."

Ven called, "No cursing, we belong to Disney!"

Riku turned to Ven, and positively fainted on impact. There was an awkward silence as they all waited for Riku to recover, but didn't as fast as they would have liked.

"Uh..." Roxas scratched his head and whispered in Xion's ear, who began to shake her head furiously. "No, Roxas!"

She was ignored as Roxas dashed up to Riku, keyblade in hand, screaming, "REVENGE!" He reached Riku, flung his weapon at his head, grabbed him, and tossed him into the ocean.

Cue more awkward silence. The only audible sound was the sound of Roxas breathing heavily before cheering, "Fuck yeah! Take that Riku, you inconsiderable bastard!"

Xion facepalmed herself as Roxas did a little dance before returning to her side as if nothing happened.

"... Anyway... I want to correct you about your belief about there being only - five, you said? - keybearers." Ven continued, staring at Roxas before looking and addressing Sora. He scratched his head. "Should we, I dunno, help your friend?"

Sora shrugged. "It's fine, Riku deserved it for what he did to Roxas. Actually, even I don't think that was enough… Just give me a minute here to actually care, seeing as the author is still slightly upset at all the abuse Roxas has gone through." He shrugged.

"O...kay then," Ven said hesitantly, still looking at the ocean. He shook his head before turning back to Sora, all thoughts cast aside about Riku. "You said that the only key wielders are your friends Riku and Kairi, King Mickey, Roxas over there, and yourself, correct?" The other man asked. Sora nodded.

"And Xion!" Roxas called out, he and the meek girl making their way towards the conversationalists.

Ven nodded. "Yes, uh, indeed. Terra?" He turned to the brown haired individual, who was just nodding his head and staring at the ocean before realizing that he was being spoken to. "What?"

"Manners, Terra! Don't daze off when someone's trying to teach here," The woman winked at Ven, who blushed, and she walked forward. "Sorry about him, let me formally introduce ourselves.

"That one over there is Terra." She gestured to Terra, who smiled. "You know Ven." Ven waved at his name. She lastly pointed to herself. "And my name is Aqua."

That face, that voice, her politeness…

"Have we possibly... met before?" Sora asked offhandedly.

Aqua's smile faltered for a second and she opened her mouth, but was beaten to telling the truth by Sora. "No, that's not possible, that was over ten years ago..." He mused.

Aqua flashed a sad smile and let Ven take the reins once again.

"So anyway... we also..." Three flashes of light appeared from their hands. "Wield the chosen blade."

"Don't forget us!" Roxas said, standing within the circle of blades with Xion. "We wield them too!" More flashes of light and Sora could see their keyblade as well. He decided to summon his. He had the Kingdom Key. Riku, if he were here, would have the Road to Dawn. And he didn't know the name of Kairi's, but he dubbed it the Flower Power Girly Keyblade. He decided to compare the others.

Kingdom Key for Xion and Oathkeeper and Oblivion dual-wield by Roxas. He turned to the other keyblade bearers, examining their blades. He didn't recognize them but noted that Ven held his blade rather oddly. He wondered what his fighting style would be like.

"Oooh. Now that's an interesting way to hold it." Sora pointed at the blade. "How do you use it?"

"Like this." Ven slashed his weapon across to demonstrate his skill.

"Oooh!" Sora was fascinated. "Okay, respect for you." He looked over to the others. "Still… why does everybody have a keyblade? It pisses me off."

"Sora, Sora, Sora," Roxas chided, wagging his finger, "You need to accept it and move on." The Nobody gave it some thought. "That or check into a mental hospital for your hero complex."

"Yeah, just wait until you learn about the War," said Aqua, with Terra and Ven nodding in agreement. "There were a countless number of wielders there!"

"Yes," came a new voice. "All fighting for that one, unobtainable weapon. Unless..."

"Eep!" Ven dashed behind Terra and Aqua, who held their weapons protectively.

"What do you want, Vanitas?" The blond keybearer questioned, causing the voice to reveal himself. Sora grew wide-eyed at the newcomer.

"Merge with me, Ventus! Together we can take over the worlds!" The dark version of Sora cackled evilly, before his eye caught the brunet. He stared at his light counterpart before facepalming himself.

"Oh_, hell _no. What the fuck?" He went up to Sora, who was frozen in his place. Vanitas poked him in the face. "How many times have I told him, 'No cloning'? I mean it's bad enough that I'm practically an evil clone as it is." He caught the eyes of a fascinated Roxas next to a shaking Xion.

"Ah hah! There you are!" He made a grab for the blond Nobody, who was too shocked to react and found himself in Vanitas' grip. "Gotcha!" The darkness of Ven's heart smirked at his prize.

"Oh shit!" Ven yelled, jumping out behind his friends. "Release him right now, Vanitas!"

Vanitas took a good look at Roxas, looking to Ven, before switching back to Roxas again. "Oh, don't tell me he cloned you too?" He studied surprised Roxas before eyeing Sora, who was still frozen in shock. "Well, yours is much better than mine. Damn you, Master Xehanort. You and your obsession with cloning." He studied Roxas for any faults before smiling. He shrugged, "Eh, you'll do," as he summoned a swirling, ominous vortex of doom and dragged the struggling Nobody. "Let's go!" he proclaimed.

"Yoooo, Ven!" exclaimed Roxas, giving the blond a dubious look, "What the actual fuck, man?"

Ven shrugged. "I have no idea. But rather you than me."

"Help me, you inconsiderable idiots!" He screamed at the other keybearers, who also shrugged. Xion traveled to fish the floating body of Riku out of the water.

"I warned you. Bad karma," she said as the raven Nobody dragged Riku's body back to shore. She took a good look at him before placing her lips on the passed out silver-haired keybearer.

"Xion, you fucking bitch!" The blond Nobody yelled, still struggling. "That is the _last _fucking time I try to fucking save people! They're all just bastards who only look out for themselves!" He fumed.

"Oh, I think Disney's gonna sue somebody," Ven sighed. "All these potty mouths."

"Oh, don't worry, Roxas. We're gonna have a lot of fun." He licked his lips with the Nobody's eyes open in terror. He licked Roxas' cheek before moving to his lips, upwards traveling the nose to the sapphire eye. Roxas shuddered and fainted in his arms, causing Vanitas to carry him bridal style.

Vanitas kissed him on the forehead as he tightened his grip on the blond Nobody. "Mwuahahaha!" He continued to cackle as the pair was dragged off into the darkness and disappearing into a place where only the author knows. (Who, in actuality, doesn't know where the hell they went.)

They could only watch in silence with the sounds of the tide filling the silence between them.

"Sora," called Ven as the sun started to set, "Can I kiss you?"

"Huh?" Sora was wide-eyed. "What? No!"

Ven pouted. "Awe, you're no fun. Vani got Roxas."

"Dude! Not helping!" He looked over to the other keybearers, with only Terra and Aqua paying attention as Xion was still with Riku and Kairi currently trying to stab a starfish. The only people paying attention just shrugged and walked away, walking into the ocean before disintegrating into light.

"Perhaps you should just wake up already then." Ven winked as he approached the brunet seductively. With everyone, but really no one, watching, the blond caressed his fingers along the brunet's cheek and chin before moving close to kiss him on the lips.

Sora blanked out for a second before he laughed into the kiss, accepting everything that had just occurred as Ven deepened the kiss and Sora closed his eyes.

* * *

><p>"Ah hahahaha..." Sora laughed with a dead voice as he rocked himself in his straitjacket, smiling widely.<p>

"He's gone mad," said Edogawa Conan, diminutive detective. "It must have been the shock from having accidentally murder his two best friends while playing 'Hero'."

The detective took a good look at the spiky haired brunet laughing to himself in the room before turning back to his companion. "He created a world where instead he saves them and travels on countless worlds - for some reason Disney related - and can't cope with it.

"He's breaking down."

"Well," commented Kaitou Kid, or Kuroba Kaito, "He must have been traumatized from accidentally stabbing them both through the heart."

"Yeah," Conan looked at the mental patient with a sad look in his eye. "Even if it was an accident, murder is still murder. It's not like he's from a video game where the protagonist has countless lives with a reset button. There's no reset button on life."

"Nope." Kaito watched the brunet continue to laugh. Losing his nerves, he reached his hand out for Conan's. He sighed as they interlocked fingers. "I… I don't think I can ever do what you do. Cope with murder and death on practically a daily basis. Not with my sanity intact."

Conan just shrugged in response before leaving Hikaru Sora, exiting away from the mental hospital, with his magician in tow. "Thanks for helping me keep my sanity intact," the detective whispered, nuzzling his face in Kaito's hand. "If it weren't for you, I don't think I would have either."


End file.
